Our little miracle

I wanna share the whole backstory to what is going on in our lives. Just like Transformers, there's more than meets the eye. This isn't just another, "oh look, we got pregnant" kind of story because it involves a lot of heart ache and tears along the way.

We've been married for 2 1/2 years and have talked about having a family for some time, because let's face it, it's one of those questions you just have to address from the get-go. Do you want to have kids? How many? When? etc. Those are all basic, elementary, I'm-going-to-spend-the-rest-of-my-life-with-you questions. We've always known we wanted to start a family, want 2-3 munchkins around the house, and we wanted some time together as a couple before starting the parenthood journey. So we waited. Like all newly-wed couples, she started on the pill, which let me tell you isn't a good thing always. That stupid little pill can mess up a woman's hormones, their hormonal balance, etc. and can cause more problems than needed. Because of hormonal issues, she stopped taking it, thinking things would get better, but they only got worse.

In September of 2009 we had a chemical pregnancy. We went to the doctor, because all the symptoms and signs were there (I admit we were a little nervous and shocked). We had just started language school in Costa Rica in preparation for coming here to El Salvador as missionaries. Ultrasound confirmed that there had been growth in the right places but there was nothing there. Just a day earlier Lisa had an episode at home and the doctor said it could have been her body rejecting and flushing out her system or just a chemical pregnancy. Either way, it was devastating. We cried, moped, were depressed, etc. for quite some time. That incident created a chain-effect that lasted for over a year. Lisa's body got thrown WAY off balance and she started having issues. Doctors tried putting her on hormones, another round or so of birth control in an attempt to jump start her system, etc. Nothing seemed to work. She kept having problems and they couldn't get things back on track.

This lasted until October of 2010. We went to a doctor here in El Salvador, after a year of tests, medicine, etc. The doc here started her on a different round of hormones and after a few ultrasounds told us that her body wasn't ovulating and she had polycystic ovaries (a condition she probably developed in adolescence). Essentially, it looked hopeless. In December 2010 we had an evangelist, Mark Triplett (Don's brother), here and were having a healing crusade. I told Lisa the first night that we were going down and God was going to do something. I knew that God would answer our prayers and do something. So we went and when it was time for prayer, we were some of the first ones down. I don't exactly recall all of the details, because Mark was talking with Lisa, but another MA, Tammy, came over and prayed for Lisa and told her that her body was going to return to normal and she would get pregnant. Mark prayed for her and during prayer Lisa began to feel a burning sensation on her right side. We had a doctor's appointment a week later and leaving that service we were confident that God had done something. When we went to the doctor, an ultrasound showed that the left ovary was still useless, but the right one looked almost normal.

That brings us to today. This baby is a testimony of God's healing power. Her body wasn't working, the hormones were off, and cysts were creating a situation where she wouldn't conceive. God touched her body, healed her body, enabling us to finally conceive a child. Most people say you shouldn't say anything in the first trimester because the most issues and the highest risk for miscarriage happen in that time, but I don't care. For me, this is a completion and fulfillment of healing that God did in December. This baby is going to be fine because God made it possible for us to conceive. If you don't believe in miracles, let me introduce you to my baby!

Sometimes the miracles that God does are instantaneous and sometimes the results aren't seen for a few weeks, but our little pea-size baby is testimony to God's healing power. He cares enough for His children to provide every single need. He knew how much a child meant to us and cared enough for us to make it possible and prove His faithfulness to us in an amazing way.

Week 6

So we decided to do the typical weekly preggo pics. This is week 6. Last night Lisa told her mom (an adventure in itself) and besides not wanting her grandkid to be born in another country she was generally excited. Baby Bump says that our little munchkin is .25 inches, the size of a small pea. Gonna be tall like her daddy...=)

Yesterday the first worries and doubts creeped in. I started thinking about how in the world we're gonna pay for this little bump on such a small salary. Trust me, missionaries don't make much money. How am I gonna buy food? Diapers? clothes? Shoes? We went baby shopping and I'm terrified at how much things cost for something so small. $35 for a pair of shoes that fit my big toe?! $90 for a crib blanket set? $350 for a play pen? Good grief! My stuff doesn't cost that much and I'm 20 times her size! Panic set in. I'm gonna have to sell a kidney just to get enough diapers to last a week. I started thinking of things in storage that I could pawn off for a little Gerber money, how much plasma it would take to get some knock-off baby Nikes. Man, I had no idea what I was getting into.

Then I remembered how faithful God is and has been to us. He's always provided and always will provide. His plan is perfect and He'll give us what we need when we need it. That doesn't mean it won't be tight, because trust me, it will be, but He is the best Daddy there is! How can a good father watch his children suffer? Can a loving dad not sacrifice all that he can to supply for his children? Luckily, I was given just such an example. My dad worked long and hard, went without, sacrificed, took the worst cars, worked the extra jobs, etc. in order for my brother and I to have what we needed, do what we wanted, etc. I want to be just like that and I know that if my earthly dad is that good to me, my Heavenly Daddy is a million times better. What do I have to worry about? As much as I want to take care of, love on, and see my little bundle of DNA, my God wants to love on, take care of, and provide for me a bazillion times more. Panic attack averted. Sanity restored.  34 weeks to go, and I'm still resting on cloud nine, though I momentarily sank to cloud 2 1/2.

My little apple seed

Lisa is a google maniac. She will look up information on anything and everything. Now that we have a couple I-pod touches, thanks to Santa Claus, she looks for apps on just about everything. It really is amazing how much information she knows or looks up about random topics. She'll never win Jeopardy or anything (we have nightly battles with Alex Trebek at home) because she's not the master of USELESS knowledge that I am. Admittedly, she does now quite a bit about important stuff. Well, as soon as we found out that we were pregnant she found a couple pregnancy apps, my favorite being Baby Center. You put in your information and the baby's information and it tells you the expected due date, how many weeks you are, information about the baby's growth and development, pics, videos, tips, etc. It really is quite cool, so much so that I downloaded it too. =)

So, today, being 5 1/2 weeks pregnant, Baby Center says that our little one is about .13 inches, the size of an apple seed or sesame seed. Kinda hard to believe that this little bitty thing will one day be an 8-10 pound pooping, vomiting machine, but for now it just a tiny little ball of genetic information. Now time for the OB and our first ultrasound.

We made an appointment for 1 pm and ended up waiting for an hour and a half before we could get in because things were back up. The whole time I'm sitting there nervous, waiting to go in because I wanna hear the doctor say, "she's pregnant." We go in and she starts asking us questions about Lisa and what not, the whole time I'm fighting a big grin. We tell her about the positive test and she starts writing in the chart. Then she asks Lisa to get ready for the ultrasound, something we've been doing for some time. This time, however, she tells me I can come in to see. I'm all over that like a fat kid on ice cream.

With a spring in my step, I bounce into the examination room and look up at the large screen TV the doc has set up to show the ultrasound. After a squirt of cold blue gel the screen comes to life in black and white. On the side of the screen, amidst a bubble of white, the doc points out a small black spec. "That's the sac and the baby." What? That little thing? Looks like the tip of a pencil! Well, I'm a big baby, and even though I couldn't make heads or tails (cause she doesn't have head or tail) of the thing, I got misty. Tears popped up and I valiantly fought them back.

What a great day. I'm still on cloud nine, I saw my first picture of my little apple seed, and I want to hit the Fast Forward button to October 19th so I can see my little princess. Oh yeah, I have "daddy intuition"...it's gonna be a girl. We won't find out till May, but I gotta hunch. Right now, I'm happy with my little apple seed. I can't wait to see what Baby Center tells me next!

Now the fun part...

Well, the fun part of any secret is getting to reveal it. I'm the kind of person that just can't wait to tell people about things because I love giving surprises; however, for some reason, a baby seems to be something different. "They" say that you shouldn't really tell many people about a pregnancy until after the first trimester because the most bad things that can happen typically do in that time. I could care less what "they" say because I'm stinking excited!

Lisa is of the opinion that we should wait, but I convinced her to allow me to let the cat out of the bag. I love compromise! =) Now the question is, how do you tell someone you're pregnant? As with all important decisions and questions in life, you have to artfully crafting the perfect "reveal" is something that takes talent and is something that is necessary for life because there are so many "reveal" type moments, i.e. will you go out with me, will you marry me, we're having a baby, etc. Admittedly, I failed horribly on the first of these such situations. I asked my wife out via text (I'm a huge chicken, I know), but my proposal made up for it. Now comes the next big reveal: pregnancy.

My parents have been bugging me about grandkids since I was in college, before I even had a girlfriend. Small little comments, suggestions, nudges toward this girl or that one. Let's face it, my parents didn't really care who it was that gave them the grandkids, they just wanted grandkids. "I'm not getting any younger" and all that jazz. Nevertheless, how do you reveal something like this? You can't just come out and say, "Well, my boys can swim!" or "Hi mom, we're pregnant." You have to reveal these things. You can't use crazy euphemisms or clichés, you gotta build up to right moment. So, time to tell the parents. I knew my parents would be ecstatic about it, but still there is that lingering nervousness about the situation. It's the same excited/embarrassed feeling you get when you announce that you are getting married. When you say, "We're pregnant," everyone knows what you've been doing, which really makes the situation even more awkward, but you really wanna let the world know.

So, I called up dear ole mom and dad tonight to tell them the good news. We had some friends who came over to stay the night, new missionaries in town, but I had already set up my Skype date with the fam to spill the beans. The Skype phone rings and the video feed starts, although I have the volume turned down so low that you can barely hear what is happening. I'm not sure why I'm so nervous, but I really am. We don't want anyone else to know yet, but I just can't keep in the good news any more. I'm notoriously bad at keeping things inside. So, we initiate our quiet little conversation with my parents, as our dear friends watch TV in the other room. We chit chat some and then my mom starts talking about vacation this or that, something to that effect. I admit I wasn't paying much attention. I nervously look over at Lisa and say, "Well, you might wanna save some vacation time for October, because we're expecting." Not the greatest reveal, but certainly better than, "Well, the Sears swim team wins. We're pregnant!" I'm still working on mastering this craft.

It sure feels good to address the Elephant in the room, even though I'm the only one that knows he's there, kinda like Jimmy Stewart and Harvey. Like the saying goes, "Secrets, secrets are no fun, unless you share with everyone!" So, the secret is out, albeit to a very small audience, but our little circle of trust will grow as more and more discover. I can't wait to tell my brother!

Two blue lines...

You know that feeling right before you start a roller coaster, that tingling in your stomach as the lap bar descends into place and you stare at the track rising ominously ahead of you. The ride operator gives the thumbs up, instructions blare over the loudspeaker, and you hear the "clink, clink, clink" of the chain pulling the car up the steep rise, each sound ticking away the seconds until the inevitable drop. Your body rushes with emotion and energy, adrenaline mixed with fear, excitement, nervousness, and a little bit of nausea. You've waited months to get on this ride, heard the ravings and warning of others, seen pictures, read reviews, and even noticed a few Facebook comments praising the awesome thrill of the ride. Day by day you count the minutes, wondering what it will be like, looking forward to rush as you race over the track, worrying if your body can handle the thrill of this awesome beast, wavering between courage and cowardice. All of this rushes through your brain as the car climbs the track, the clinking stops, and the car pauses momentarily, as your heart beats uncontrollably, before it rushes over the edge, plummeting down the course of this thrill ride...

Welcome to the world of the Thin Blue Lines. 

Just an ordinary Saturday afternoon. Nothing really all that exciting. We had been in a children's discipleship conference for 18 days and quite frankly were exhausted, or as I prefer to put it in Spanish "matados," emotionally and physically dead. We're missionaries and live overseas. We've adapted to living in a different culture, gotten used to the change in diet and climate, and have developed a certain mastery of Spanish. We've survived 3 hurricanes, several strong tremors, mudslides, language school, and 10 changes of home through 3 different countries in our 2.5 short years of marriage, but none of that really prepares you for the thrill of the Thin Blue Lines. 

Like I said, an ordinary Saturday afternoon. I'm standing in the kitchen, cleaning dishes after lunch. Lisa and I have been trying for close to a year and a half now to get pregnant, which is a ride all in itself. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Lisa walks into the living room, a look of bewilderment and unbelief plastered across her face, "I'm pregnant!" In shock I drop the suds-filled sponge, soap bubbles dripping from my finger tips, and my heart starts pounding. "What??!!?" Now, remember that feeling as the car lurches from a dead stop and begins its climb up the track, all the coursing emotions, the rush, the worries, the doubts, the excitement...well, all that comes before this moment. You wonder if you can do it, if you'll be a good parent, if your budget can take the hit, etc. But nothing really prepares you for the sudden drop as you peer over the edge of the first big drop. As the car plummets down, your stomach shoots into your throat, heart races, and your breath is taken away. You want to scream but can't quite find your voice. Now back to our future daddy with soap soaked hands. 

I race down the hall to where Lisa had taken her test and there on the counter is our little clear plastic friend, sporting a blueish grin.  

Two...Thin...Blue...Lines...pregnant! My heart races, my stomach jumps to my throat, I want to scream but don't have the voice...I can't quite believe that it's finally true. I would have thrown my hands up, but let's be honest, that would have been a little silly. I grab Lisa, gingerly because pregnancy comes with other painful symptoms, and lift her up in the air in a big hug. The rush is better than I had ever imagined. Nothing could have prepared me for this moment and the baby isn't even born yet!

I must admit, I'm not quite sure what this all means and how it will all play out, but I'm ecstatic. I'm ready to tell the world, scream at the top of my lungs, "I'M GONNA BE A DAD," but let's be honest, no one really cares until you actually are a dad. Anyway, I promised Lisa I would start a blog, giving expression to the thoughts, feelings, doubts, hopes, etc. of future parenthood and the whole pregnancy experience. So, here we go, the ride begins and I'm not really quite sure what twists and turns lie ahead, but I know when it's finished that it'll be more than I ever thought possible.