Day 3 - The eye of the storm or the calm after it?

Mommy and daddy awoke this morning to the sound of absolute silence. Six hours of uninterrupted sleep (at least for dad) and not a single emergency. After 48 of the most horrific, stressful, trying hours of our lives, we rejoiced in the ability to just be for a whole day. Kai is stable and doing well on the high-frequency ventilator. He remained stable for a solid 24 hours and that is a victory in and of itself.

This test of parenthood, this dark night of the soul as I watched our precious creation struggle for life, revealed to me just how far I can be stretched and whipped without breaking. Imagine the palm trees whipping and thrashing in the 90 mph gusts of a deadly hurricane, snapping back and forth, leaves slapping the pavement with each new rush of angry wind, as the childish storm vehemently berates mother earth. No matter how fierce the wind, how torrential the downpour, the palm tree, as if formed of rubber, bravely endures each new blow without breaking under the pressure. Beaten, bruised, and possibly clinging to life, the palm tree refuses to crack under the weight of torture, proving itself stronger than the cement houses, asphalt roads, and brick buildings that surround it.

With that image in mind, you now understand my heart. The past 48 hours have pushed, prodded, blown, beaten, bruised, whipped, snapped, and violated our hearts and minds, trying to break us, invading the most intimate parts of our being. The torrential downpour of bad news and gloomy diagnosis has beaten against us, throwing us to our knees time and time again; however, like the palm tree, we will not be broken.

2000 years ago Paul wrote in his letter to the Corinthians:

"Now we have this treasure in clay jars, so that this extraordinary power may be from God and not from us. We are pressed in every way but not crushed; we are perplexed but not in despair; we are persecuted but not abandoned; we are struck down but not destroyed. We always carry the death of Jesus in our body, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who live are always given over to death because of Jesus, so that Jesus' life may also be revealed in our mortal flesh. So death works in us, but life in you. And since we have the same spirit of faith in accordance with what is written, I believed, therefore I spoke, we also believe, and therefore speak, knowing that the One who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus, and present us with you. For all this is because of you, so that grace, extended through more and more people, may cause thanksgiving to overflow to God's glory. Therefore we do not give up; even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day. For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory. So we do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen; for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

This horrific process to which we have been exposed has only served to test the nature of our faith. What was intended to destroy us, shattering the dreams of our future, God used to strengthen us. The strength of the tree is not in its ability to bend and move, but in the depth of its roots. The deeper it goes the more it can withstand. Tests and trials in our lives serve one of two purposes: breaking our will as we are dashed upon the rocks or forcing us to drive deeper into our foundation. The past 3 days have taught me that I am stronger than I appear, because of the divine power of God coursing through my veins. "The same power that raised Jesus Christ from the dead now lives in you," is what the New Testament says. "My grace is sufficient for you because MY power is perfected in weakness," is what God said to Paul in the midst of suffering. I've learned the heart of a father, one of a protector, encourager, fighter, intercessor, provider.

I've discovered that I can be stretched farther, pushed harder, beaten more fiercely, and thrown more violently, yet my roots are stronger and my foundation more solid than the most vicious, violent torment that life can throw my way. I reiterate what Paul said, "therefore we do not give up; though outwardly we are being destroyed, inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary afflictions are producing in us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory. So we do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen; for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

What lessons my child is already teaching me. No matter how bad the circumstance, how violent the storm, my ability to endure is measured by how hard I cling to my Daddy's hand. In my visit with Kai, I placed my finger in his palm and he gripped it tightly. Struggling to survive, tubes entering and exiting all over his body, in the midst of sedation, Kai gripped the hand of his father. Tenaciously he clung to my finger, even when it was time to go. What power! What assurance! We can face whatever life throws our way, if we will but cling to the finger of the One who made us, the One who protects us, the One who loves us unconditionally. For Kai, we are his foundation, his strength, the support he needs to make it through, or more likely, it is Christ in us that provides this for him. For us, Christ is our foundation.

Thank you God for teaching me the importance of tenacity and perseverance, steadfastly clinging to you, in the darkest of nights. You alone are our source, foundation, strength, peace, power, and protection. Thank you for making my child a warrior, born with a never-give-up attitude. We rejoice in the completion of your promise and the beauty of your rest.

We have seen this one life touch more people than we possibly ever could. Through Facebook, email, phone calls, etc., Kai's story has reached literally thousands around the world. We know where our hope lies and the source of our strength. Kai's story is an echo of Paul's words, "all this is because of you, so that grace, extended through more and more people, may cause thanksgiving to overflow to God's glory." We have no doubt that his life and the testimony of God's power and faithfulness is touching the hearts of thousands. Gladly would I face this storm time and again if it would continue to bring honor, glory, and thanksgiving to my God. If our suffering increases His glory and brings souls to Him, so be it. We will stand, we will survive, we will be victorious!